Divorce Advice for Men
“Turbulence is life force. It is opportunity. Let’s love turbulence and use it for change.”
Ramsay Clark
Society has always imposed its own limited role for both men and women, which keep us painted into a box with tremendous limitations. Just as it not so that women are necessarily the weaker sex, it is also not so that men do not suffer emotionally from loss. Unfortunately, many men do not allow themselves to experience the natural course of their emotions when it comes to a loss as profound as divorce.
What we cannot feel we cannot heal
Even if you are the one who initiated the divorce, there are going to be many confusing and upsetting emotional responses to the event. If you are the dumper, you may be feeling guilt, remorse, fear, confusion and uncertainty. If you are dumpee, it can be sadness, depression, anger, blame, denial and fear. These are all feelings that are a natural outcome of loss and they must be worked through in order to begin to let go and move on after your divorce.
Let go of the emotional baggage
Every life transition is an opportunity to do the work of becoming something more than you were before. There is enormous wisdom to be gleaned from your divorce that will serve you well in your future. There is emotional baggage to be let loose. There is personal growth to be had. Your divorce can be a catalyst for a better life.
Don’t lose the opportunity that is inherent in this massive change in your life. To go through this life transition and not take advantage of the life lessons awaiting your discovery are a terrible waste.
Especially if you have children
Your kids model themselves after you and your ex. You want to be the best person you can possibly be for them. You also want to be able to create a relationship with your ex that will serve the interests of your children and not harm them. How you handle this divorce and your life afterwards will have huge ramifications on everyone involved.
Release of blame, resentment and regret
The effects of your divorce may leave you feeling resentful. Don’t go there. Resentment is a heavy burden to bear and you and you alone will carry that load. Acceptance of your new life must include the release of blame, resentment and regret. To be free of all these negative emotions is to be empowered to do whatever we want in life.
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