Coaching for Change


Posts Tagged ‘wisdom’

Letting go again and again and again….

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

I know from personal experience that one doesn’t just let go of the past one day and everything is hunky-dory forever.  Ah were it so!  Divorce Recovery like any other discipline is an on-going process.  Even the best of us have a blip on the screen of life every now and then.  That nasty little gremlin, our mind chatter, rears its ugly head from time to time and needs taming.

The all-important thing is being aware of that  mind chatter when it first starts so that we don’t allow it to take over.  So as much as I know on a very deep level that the only person that I can control or change in this life is myself, every once in a while I fall back into being disappointed or resentful over something my ex says or does.  We have kids  so we are tied together for the rest of our lives.

The good thing is that I have become much more conscious of my backsliding and can more often than not catch myself…albeit not always.  Always is a long, long time and a very high expectation that in my book is unrealistic and unenforceable.  I take it a day at a time.  Every backslide is yet another lesson for me in which to access the wisdom I have and then apply it towards my future.

So all of this has led me to create a free tele-seminar on Acceptance which is the cornerstone of divorce recovery, letting go and moving on after your divorce. I invite you to join me on Wednesday, September 16th at 9pm est for look at the most important step one can take in our quest to take back our lives after divorce…acceptance.

Life Lessons from the Economic Meltdown

Monday, November 24th, 2008

All around us we see the repercussions of the financial disaster. People have lost the bulk of their life savings that had been invested in the stock market.  Unemployment is rising everyday and all around us people are losing their jobs.  Credit is unavailable. Home values have plummeted and many of us have mortgages that exceed the value of our homes.  The holidays are approaching and we simply cannot spend what we do not have.  This is a scenario that our parents or grandparents lived through in the 30’s, that they repeatedly warned us about and one we never in a million years imagined could touch our own lives.  But it has.

We rail against Wall Street and the government.  Blame is raging.  How could this have happened in our day and age? Well it did happen, it is what it is and now we must accept what is and take the necessary steps to move forward. More important, what lessons and deep wisdom can we extract from our present reality that will help us to grow and evolve as human beings?  What do we need to learn so that we do not allow this to happen again?  What are the gifts of this experience?

Here are some insights that I have personally gathered:

1.    The signs were there all along.  We simply chose not to see them or we chose denial. We may not have been able to imagine just how bad things have become but we certainly saw the warning signs. From insanely inflated real estate prices to an overblown stock market to over-spending on our own parts, the signs were there.
2.    We gave up responsibility for our own lives. I can see how I personally absolved myself of personal responsibility in my own investments by leaving it all to the so-called experts.  Ultimately, we and we alone are responsible for our lives.
3.    We get to choose what is really important in life.  We need to determine what our core values are and live them everyday.  So the kids don’t get as many presents this year.  It is time tor return to the values that hold real meaning in our lives: responsibility, acceptance, giving back, common sense, frugality…you know what I mean!
4.    We need to become more creative.  Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results! The government is going to need to do things very differently now because what they had been doing didn’t work. Same for Wall Street, same for us individually.
5.    Greed is destructive.  Unbridled greed on everyone’s part is an element of what got us here.  Back to the basics of right and wrong.
6.    We went unconscious. What were we thinking?  How could we have not seen what was happening?  We went unconscious.   We need to remain aware at all times of what is going on around us.  Only when we are aware, can we make real choices on how to best handle life.
7.    It is a time to pull together. We are all in this together.  Collective responsibility will be the road to positive change.  Obama talks about change we can believe in…be that change.
8.    Wall Street’s use of leverage brought down the markets…so too did our own personal use of leverage.  We need to return to the theory of the gold standard where a dollar has the backing of a certain amount of gold.  We spend what we have and do not leverage ourselves to the hilt.
9.     We need to learn to accept what is and then move forward.  What is is the mess we find ourselves in. Until we let go of should be’s and could be’s we will not be able to create the changes we so desperately need.
10.     We need an attitude adjustment, a new perspective.  Perhaps if we can look at this as the crisis we needed to make the changes that we have needed for so very long, then we can move forward with a positive and empowering perspective that this is all for the good.
11.    We need to let go of what we cannot control: most everything in the external world. We need to determine what we can control in life: ourselves and how we choose to handle what life throws our way.

Your thoughts?