Coaching for Change


Posts Tagged ‘parents’

Life Lessons from the Economic Meltdown

Monday, November 24th, 2008

All around us we see the repercussions of the financial disaster. People have lost the bulk of their life savings that had been invested in the stock market.  Unemployment is rising everyday and all around us people are losing their jobs.  Credit is unavailable. Home values have plummeted and many of us have mortgages that exceed the value of our homes.  The holidays are approaching and we simply cannot spend what we do not have.  This is a scenario that our parents or grandparents lived through in the 30’s, that they repeatedly warned us about and one we never in a million years imagined could touch our own lives.  But it has.

We rail against Wall Street and the government.  Blame is raging.  How could this have happened in our day and age? Well it did happen, it is what it is and now we must accept what is and take the necessary steps to move forward. More important, what lessons and deep wisdom can we extract from our present reality that will help us to grow and evolve as human beings?  What do we need to learn so that we do not allow this to happen again?  What are the gifts of this experience?

Here are some insights that I have personally gathered:

1.    The signs were there all along.  We simply chose not to see them or we chose denial. We may not have been able to imagine just how bad things have become but we certainly saw the warning signs. From insanely inflated real estate prices to an overblown stock market to over-spending on our own parts, the signs were there.
2.    We gave up responsibility for our own lives. I can see how I personally absolved myself of personal responsibility in my own investments by leaving it all to the so-called experts.  Ultimately, we and we alone are responsible for our lives.
3.    We get to choose what is really important in life.  We need to determine what our core values are and live them everyday.  So the kids don’t get as many presents this year.  It is time tor return to the values that hold real meaning in our lives: responsibility, acceptance, giving back, common sense, frugality…you know what I mean!
4.    We need to become more creative.  Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results! The government is going to need to do things very differently now because what they had been doing didn’t work. Same for Wall Street, same for us individually.
5.    Greed is destructive.  Unbridled greed on everyone’s part is an element of what got us here.  Back to the basics of right and wrong.
6.    We went unconscious. What were we thinking?  How could we have not seen what was happening?  We went unconscious.   We need to remain aware at all times of what is going on around us.  Only when we are aware, can we make real choices on how to best handle life.
7.    It is a time to pull together. We are all in this together.  Collective responsibility will be the road to positive change.  Obama talks about change we can believe in…be that change.
8.    Wall Street’s use of leverage brought down the markets…so too did our own personal use of leverage.  We need to return to the theory of the gold standard where a dollar has the backing of a certain amount of gold.  We spend what we have and do not leverage ourselves to the hilt.
9.     We need to learn to accept what is and then move forward.  What is is the mess we find ourselves in. Until we let go of should be’s and could be’s we will not be able to create the changes we so desperately need.
10.     We need an attitude adjustment, a new perspective.  Perhaps if we can look at this as the crisis we needed to make the changes that we have needed for so very long, then we can move forward with a positive and empowering perspective that this is all for the good.
11.    We need to let go of what we cannot control: most everything in the external world. We need to determine what we can control in life: ourselves and how we choose to handle what life throws our way.

Your thoughts?

Talk to Their Listening

Monday, January 29th, 2007

Talk to their Listening? Exactly what does that mean?  An instructor of mine introduced me to the phrase and it has proven to be an extremely useful tool in terms of truly effective communication. You know, the kind of communication that actually results in you being heard and the listener being impacted!  Here’s how it works:

I have  two children and as I’m sure many of you parents know, they are two very different people.  The way I talk to one effectively is absolutely not the way I can hope to reach the other. They hear things differently, they each have very distinct perspectives on life.  It’s as if one looks at the sky and sees a deep blue and the other sees a pale blue.  That’s just the way it is.  People are different.  You know, you say potato, I say po-tah-toe! So I need to know how to talk their individual listening.  What they actually hear through their individual filters.

I have a friend who is a manager of a group of sales people. Recently, he was having trouble ‘getting through’ to one of them. Getting through meant motivation.  He had simply forgotten that each person is an individual with different personalities and attitudes.  He  may have been highly effective with his motivational approach to one person but it was not working with another. Why?  Simple.  Two different people, two different listenings.  He had to re-learn the simple fact that to really communicate with an individual, you need to recognize that individual’s listening and then talk to the listening.

Perhaps the place this theory shows up most clearly is in your personal relationships.  You know your spouse/significant other and  you know how to get through to them when you need to.  You know  intuitively how to speak to them in order to be heard and to have an impact. There are times when our emotions get in the way of effective communication. But when emotions do get in the way and we have time to reflect, we know what we did wrong.

Here’s a clue: Start with Your listening.  Are you truly hearing the other person or are you mentally deciding what you are going to say, even stepping on their words while they attempt to talk to you, and therefore missing out on half of their side of the conversation?  Think about it.  Try an experiment this week.  When someone is talking to you, listen deeply.  Forget about what you are going to say when they are finished.  Just listen totally with no distractions.  You will find that you hear a great deal more than you would have.  You can get real insights into that person and what is important to them, what matters to them.

Once you  know what really matters to a person,  you can talk to their listening.  You have allowed yourself to get to know them better.  You hear them.  Really hear them.  If you find this person is highly sensitive, then you will adapt your talking to their sensitivity, their listening.  If they are a person who likes direct communication, then you will be direct. And so on and so on.

Give it a whirl.  I guarantee that you will be surprised at what you gain. Let me know how it works.  It would be great to have you share your thoughts with the other members of the blog.