I believe that it has to do with the unknown and our uncertainty with the unknown.  We want and need to be in control, to know what is going to happen.  The paradox in this need is that one can never know what the future holds, not a minute from now or a year from now.  We cannot control the outer world.  Things happen, they always have and they always will.  Just when we think we have it down, something else pops up to challenge us.  It is how we handle what life throws at us that is important.  It is our inner world that we can control which will ultimately elicit the change we want in our outer world.

You want to adjust your perspective on change from one of fear to one of a belief that everything will work out in your best interest.  You need to learn the difference between what you can control and what you cannot and thereby let go of the things that you cannot control and concentrate on those you can.  You do have full control over how you choose to handle the changes that life brings you.  More important, you have full control in being the change that you desire.

What do you want to change in your life this year?  Do you want to be healthier?  Then put all your full attention on that intention.  There is a saying that when you are fully committed to something, the universe will align itself to give you what you want.  I don’t know for a fact whether that is true or not but to live as if it is true would be a welcome change, an empowering perspective. The belief that you can become healthier can only move you in that direction but it must coupled with you taking full responsibility for being healthy.  Responsibility for our intentions is empowerment.

Creating positive change in your life begins with your belief and commitment to what you desire.  What you desire must be of great value to you. Focusing your attention on that change and weaving it into the fabric of every day is the key to success.  Doing whatever needs to b done is mandatory.  If you need help then get it.  Trust me, you don’t have to go it alone.  A prima ballerina will have spent years of practice with instruction and coaching to reach her goal. So too a star athlete.  Access all the tools and skills you can to move you forwards.

A final thought for you to ponder:  What would you regret never having done in your life?  Don’t find yourself heading into the great unknown and wishing you had done this or that. Now is the time to initiate the changes that you want.

I wish you the change that you want in your life this year.  I know that you can access your inner wisdom and strength in order to achieve what it is you want.  I wish you health, happiness and joy in this one precious life of yours.

It’s almost akin to a person losing their mate to death.  The mate wasn’t exactly  the greatest guy on earth, indeed on many fronts he was downright lousy and much of their life together, the wife was miserable.  Nonetheless, her memory becomes highly selective and she talks about much she misses him and all the wonderful things about him.  She fails to remember what their life together was really like.

Guess what?  There are lots of women out there in marriages that are are lonely and unhappy.  They live with someone and that’s about it.  They co-habitat. They have the burden of living nearly separate lives under the same roof.  Add to that the constant stress and tension of their not-so-great marriage and you will find someone who may have resembled you back then.

Think long and hard about how your marriage really was, the truth.  All too often, not only do we have selective recall of the good times, we also come to rationalize our marriage via our personal interpretations.  We forget or we are in denial about how bad things really were.  We minimize the fights, the stress, the pressure, the lack of communication, the loss of self-esteem, the tears and the loneliness. Our fear of the present seems to cause our brain to re-wire itself.

I know that it is hard, I’ve been there and I still go there.  I think in many cases that it is just the being married part that we miss, not our ex.  We miss our Saturday nights with friends, the shared carpooling and chores, the extended families and  the holidays as a family.  But if we are really honest with ourselves, we don’t miss our ex per se.  I know this isn’t true for everyone but it is true for many of us.

It is really important to be totally honest with ourselves and ensure that our memories reveal all the facts.  We need to guard ourselves into deluding ourselves, of remembering something that just wasn’t true.  Life is hard for everyone and life is great for everyone.  Being married does not necessarily spell happiness.  We know that better than anyone.