I saw a play last week in NYC entitled, Next to Normal.  The story is about a woman who is bi-polar.  Her disease was set off by  the death of her 8 month old son. She was unable to accept his passing to the point that he actually was alive for her.  She saw and communicated with an 18 year old son who was not there.  She created her own reality that was a fantasy.  Ultimately it drove her mad.
Her psychiatrist made a comment that resonated for me:  If we cannot accept a loss, then we will live in the fear of that loss with dire consequences.  In the play, those consequences are of course taken to the extreme of severe mental illness and attempted suicide, but the point was clear:  non-acceptance of a loss and  the new reality that comes about as a result of that loss will cripple you and leave you unable to live your life.
It resonated for me because I see it everyday with people  who can’t accept the cold, hard fact that their marriage has ended and their reality has shifted.  They my be in denial or they simply cannot bring themselves to admit that their life has  dramatically changed forever. In the initial grieving period that follows a loss in life, this is a perfectly normal reaction.  The grieving period us marked by denial, depression, confusion and anger.  The problem arises when the grieving period does not end.
People who continue to resist reality, who cannot accept their new reality and can’t surrender to what is (versus what they think should be) Â remove themselves from life n all that life has to offer. Not only that, they carry the heavy burden of all the negative emotions that accompany the grieving period which leaves them unable to experience happiness or fulfillment.
That is the crux of divorce recovery: the acceptance of a new reality. Â That is what letting go means. Â One door closes but another one can open if you allow it. Â There are new possibilities available but only if you can accept the ending of what your life was. Â For life to go on, to be able to experience all of the opportunities that a new life has to offer, you must be in full acceptance of your new life. Â You cannot have a beginning without an ending.
