Divorce Recovery Newsletter / Vol 50

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Embracing Change: Moving Into a New Year

“Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix.“

Christina Baldwin

The New Year signals an obvious change in numbers, 2011 to 2012. Change is the constant that you can depend upon in this world. An old year is replaced by a new year, seasons change, each minute, each second is replaced by a new one. One could even delve into the realm of quantum physics, which states that everything that exists, down to a sub-atomic level, is in a constant state of change. Vibrating. Everything changes, nothing stays the same. Get used to it. That’s life.

Things don’t always go according to plan. Stuff happens. That too is the nature of life. We can be absolutely certain of uncertainty. Uncertainty is a condition of being alive. We can either fear uncertainty and remain stuck or embrace it and know that things will work out…one way or the other.

Divorce is a massive change, something that can create havoc in the foundation of our lives. But it is also an opportunity to make the changes that will result in a better and more fulfilling life. It’s a chance to create the person you were always meant to be.

“Turbulence is life force. It is opportunity. Let's love turbulence and use it for change.“

Ramsay Clark

Use this turbulence to make the kind of changes that will serve you and move you forward. Re-create yourself if you want. This is an opportunity to be the someone you have always wanted to be. This is your chance to do the things that you and you alone desire. You can choose of your own free will and make the choices that will make a huge difference in your life and the lives of those you love.

“Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.“

King Whitney Jr.

As Winston Churchill said in the midst of WWII, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Fear is a thought, an emotion, a feeling. Change your thoughts and change your life. 99.9% of our fears never come to true. They just cause anxiety, which in turn serves as a deterrent for forward motion. Nothing risked, nothing gained.

“If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.“

Maya Angelou

Just like the power that thoughts have over our reality, our attitude or perspective wields tremendous influence in the quality of life. I am not a cockeyed optimist…far from it! But I do know that if we operate on the premise that the glass is always half empty, that life is unfair or if we are always looking at what is wrong… that’s how life will show up. A negative mindset is like cancer: it spreads and infects every aspect of our lives. Examine your own perspective and attitude. Is it working for you?

A New Year is around the corner. How will you approach it? Will you embrace change and use it or resist it and remain stuck? If your life is not what you want it to be…start doing things differently, change!

Embracing Change
Here is a wonderful excerpt from an article by John Kehoe on how to begin the process of change:

Everything in our life is in constant change, constantly in the process of becoming something else. Nothing stays exactly as it is. Nothing. Movement and change constitute the reality of our being.

Our finances, our friendships, our career possibilities, our life opportunities, our health, our children, our parents, our daily activities, our insights, all are forever changing and becoming something else. To many this is a frightening and daunting phenomenon, as most of us crave stability, but stability is an illusion, and you and your circumstances will change whether you like it or not, whether you want them to or not, because they cannot and will not remain the same. It is the law and nature of who we are as human beings having this extraordinary experience of living a life. Here are a few keys that will assist you greatly in both understanding and harnessing this law, so that you can become an active and creative participant in your ever evolving and changing life.

Key #1 “Don’t fight change. Embrace it.”

It is quite amazing that what is so obvious on one level (just look at all the changes that have happened to you in the last year) is so misunderstood on another level. Let’s get right to the point. The only certainty in life is uncertainty. The only constant in life is constant change. We value comfort, stability and certainty, and yet these things don’t really exist. This can cause some people stress, as they worry about what is going to happen to them. A better strategy would be to re-orient your thinking so that you not only value change, but embrace it as a healthy and important part of your life.

It is change that allows us to succeed at our goals. It is change that allows new opportunities to reveal themselves to us. It is change that allows us to be creative. It is change that heals sickness. It is change that allows us to try different things. It is change that encourages us to adopt new life strategies. It is change that allows us to take on new skills. It is change that allows us to change our beliefs. Change can and should be a very positive dynamic in our life. Think for a moment of the incredible stagnation that would result if we didn’t have change? Provided that we have goals, understand and practice Mind Power, and remain positive through the constant fluctuations of our life, we need never fear change. It is the only successful way to a meaningful life.

Key #2 “Be proactive in initiating change.”

Evaluate yourself and your present situation honestly, looking for ways to initiate positive change. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I accept change willingly?
  • Do I trust life to respond to my needs, or do I live in fear? Do I trust my creative imagination to come up with solutions to every problem or difficulty I may encounter?
  • Where am I stuck in my life?
  • What one change could I make in my life that would have a huge impact on me?
  • What would a new, more positive life look like?
Know your strengths and weaknesses. See your life as a work in progress (which in fact it is!). Always be on the lookout for ways to make changes. Don’t wait for changes to happen to you. Be proactive in choosing the changes you want.

Key #3 “Be willing to let go of present attitudes that sabotage you, no matter how comfortable you are with them.”

  • Do you have a victim mentality?
  • Are you a complainer?
  • Are you a negative person?
  • Are you a worrier?
  • Do you live daily with fear?
  • Do you have resentments, grudges, hates?
  • Do you have limiting or negative beliefs about money, health, yourself, life, your future?

Look for ways you can change something that is negative in your attitude to something that is positive. This has a double effect. Firstly, you’ll gain immense benefit from it, and secondly, you are actively participating in the Law of Constant Change. Always remember that if you fail to actively initiate change either through fear of change or inertia, change will impose itself upon you, because your life cannot and will not remain the same. Understanding this fully makes you proactive in initiating change regularly.

This Will Warm the Cockles of Your Heart…

I showed many of you this video a few years back but it bears a repeat performance! If this doesn’t touch you…you’re in big trouble.

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December 6, 2011

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Coaching Testimonials

"I entered into these sessions looking for someone to explain the chaos, lessen the pain; and help me move beyond the emotions. And, if that is all that occurred, it would have been well worth the effort. But these sessions have been so much more. Shelley has set before me a transforming journey of exploration and understanding and from the ashes I found ME. Thank you Shelley!!"

Debra C, Denver, CO

"I don’t know what I would have done without Shelley’s guidance through this divorce. I felt so hopeless but she has given me the inspiration to go on. Her first hand experience of how painful a divorce can be, gives her all the knowledge a person could possibly need to help others. After my first session a sense of peace came over me and I knew with her guidance, insight, knowledge, passion and faith in me I would make it through this…I couldn’t have made it without her…"

Susan S, Illinois

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