Hurricane Irene Reinforces Divorce Life Lessons
It's ironic! When I discuss the central concept of divorce recovery, I.E., 'reality' versus 'supposed to be', I often refer to the metaphor of a tornado. You can either accept the fact that it is on its way and then explore the available options available to you, or you can choose to resist the fact that there is a tornado bearing down and spend your time in resistance, whereupon you will not be able to handle the effects of that storm. When you are busy resisting reality, you cannot access the options that exist for you.
Experiencing Acceptance
Well, I had the opportunity to experience acceptance, surrender and how to handle reality this past weekend when Hurricane Irene barreled through New Jersey. Because I am in such awe of Mother Nature, I took the warnings issued by the media and our local state government very seriously. The storm was due to begin its onslaught on Saturday evening, with the full brunt coming on Sunday morning.
Resisting Reality
On Thursday I went out and bought provisions, including batteries, water, canned goods and a lantern. I brought in all the lawn furniture Friday morning. On Saturday, I went out to the store for a few last minute items and at that point there were no D batteries, no bottled water, no generators, long lines at the gas stations and ATM's running out of money. Too many people chose to ignore and resist the reality of the situation. Too many people woke up too late in order to prepare for the hurricane.
The opposite of resistance is acceptance
Say it again…the opposite of resistance is acceptance. Resisting reality is utterly futile. Resisting the fact that a hurricane is on its way will not change the reality of the situation. Reality always prevails. What you resist persists. It's like banging your head against a brick wall.
Choose Acceptance
You must be in acceptance of your reality if you are to survive and thrive after your divorce. You must choose acceptance. As a human being you are gifted with free will and choice. Choosing to accept is the first step.
There will not be instantaneous transformation
Transformation and forward movement necessitates effort and will. There are highly specific tool and skills available to you. There is support. There are books. There are coaches and therapists. There are seminars and workshops but none of these tools will appear until you choose to accept what is in your life.
It is what it is
A common refrain in running into neighbors these last few days has been, "It is what it is". No fighting it. One must accept the facts and then figure out the best ways to handle the situation. Same goes for divorce. One must accept the cold hard facts and then take the necessary steps to healing, letting go and moving on.
We grieve and then love on
Loss is not easy but it is a fact of life. Hurricanes destroy property and life. Kids get cancer. Soldiers perish. Loved ones die. Divorce happens. These are all losses that occur in the course of life. We grieve and then love on. Or not. The choice is yours.
|
