Dating and Marriage after Divorce

Dating After Divorce

The most important rule in dating and marriage after divorce is that there are no rules!

Each one of us is unique and different. What works for one person does not automatically work for another. Your friend is off in a frenzy of dating and you simply don’t feel like it. Fine.  There is probably a good reason that you aren’t into dating…you aren’t ready. You still have work to do to heal, let go and then move on after your divorce.

Do Not Jump into Dating as a Response to Pain

What is mandatory is not to jump into dating as a response to your pain. Looking outside for what we must do inside doesn’t work. Looking to another to give us back our self-esteem only puts off the inevitable. We must learn the deep lessons that our divorce is offering us and heal ourselves, not look to others for validation.

The objective is to meet new people, make new friends, have new experiences and learn more about ourselves

Dating can be a way to explore who we are becoming and a step out of the isolation of our divorce. If you go into dating with the objective of meeting new people, making new friends, having new experiences and learning more about yourself versus finding Mr.or Ms Right then dating is yet another natural step in divorce recovery. But you must be ready.  It is all-together natural to not want to date after your divorce.  Listen to your inner voice, your instincts.

Don’t take your emotional wounds with you on a date

Get past your feelings of abandonment, intense pain and grief before you venture out into the world of dating. If you take your emotional wounds out there with you, it won’t work. Start off by going out with friends. Do things that are fun. Explore new activities. Get involved in life gain. Take small steps at first.

It is so important to do the work of divorce recovery before you enter the dating world.  If you are still holding onto the past, if you still haven’t gotten over your divorce, concentrate on your own healing before you venture out.

Some of us have been married for decades and entering back into the dating world is already a challenge.

Wait at least a year before introducing someone new to your kids

Once you have started dating keep in mind that you don’t want to introduce a new love interest into your children’s world unless you are really serious.  Don’t bring a date home to your children.

Wait a year before you introduce your kids to a new person and again, only if you sense you are in a serious relationship. Give them time to get used to having a single Mom.  Make certain that the person you are dating has become an important figure in your life before you present them to your kids.

Go Slow!

Dating can and will boost your confidence at the new you that you are becoming if it is done with the correct perspective in the early stages. Go slow. Don’t look at dating as a solution to your problems but as a way to re-enter the outside world.

Marriage after Divorce

Here is the question to ask yourself before you consider getting married again: Have I learned all the necessary lessons from my old marriage before I commit to a new one?

Understand your Last Marriage as to not repeat the problems in your next

The gifts that we receive from our divorce are life lessons that will serve us in our new life. They must be learned if we are not to repeat the things that did not serve us in our marriage to our ex. You may think that your marriage ended because of your ex but there are always two people in a marriage with equal responsibility for its success or breakdown.

Take Responsibility

Taking responsibility for your part in your divorce allows you to see all the things that could be done differently in the future to ensure your happiness. If you refuse to see the truth or prefer to lay blame elsewhere then you are likely to go into a new marriage with all the old baggage.

It is a matter of you

It is not so much a matter of time; say a year, two years or whatever. It is a matter of you.

• Have you evolved as a result of your divorce?
• Do you see your part in the divorce? Have you taken full responsibility for your part?
• Have you seen how you could do things differently in the future in order not to repeat the past?
• Have you handled your old emotional baggage?
• Are you the person you want to be now?

Get Whole and Healed before Committing to a New Spouse

Are you getting married to ease the pain and loneliness you are feeling? If so, your new marriage is standing on shaky ground. You must feel whole and healed before you commit to another person.

Let’s talk.

Before you jump into a new social world, contact me and we can talk about what you might want to consider in terms of dating or re-marriage. our first consultation is free.